The Microchipping of Augustus

This morning we took Augustus to the vet to receive his microchip implant allowing our alien overlords to track his every move. And when the Mothership arrives, he’ll be one of the first to be beamed aboard.

At least that’s what the Vet told me.

We also talked about the slight personality disorders Augustus possesses and how he might have come by them. We both agree that some extremely traumatic experience must have occurred while he was staying with my parents to so drastically change his personality.

Especially telling is his insane hatred for men who smoke. When we lived in Seattle, many of my male friends smoked. And Augustus never had any problem being around these people. Now, however, if he detects even the faintest hint of cigarette smoke in the air, Augustus attempts to disembowel any strange men in the area.

To diagnose his late night howling, she suggested we set up a motion-sensitive spy camera to watch what he gets up to at night. This would have the side benefit of detecting Anna’s midnight raids on the refrigerator.